I Don't Know Who to Blame for My Lack of Racial Awareness

     Neither of my parents ever mentioned to my sisters or me the importance of embracing our racial uniqueness. In fact, had it not been for the occassional person trying to speak to me in Spanish or asking me the question, "What are you?" as though the ambiguity of my brown, olive-toned skin warranted a question one might ask of a being exiting a UFO, I might never have known I was any different than any other human being. Instead, I grew up in a household with a mother and father who taught us the importance of embracing who we were, encouraging our interests and passions. None of us being interested in race or what it meant to grow up in a mixed race household, such issues were not highlighted or discussed at length. Instead my parents focused on our interests in dance, gymnastics, film-making, writing, Barbie dolls, coloring, none of which required a specific focus on race. Perhaps my parents should have made more apparent the fact that we were not  only dancing, but we were dancing as mixed race girls. And this was significant for some reason I would learn later in life but didn't know then. I wonder if my parents would have made a bigger deal about our race, I would be more interested in the implications of it on my life, more aware of my limitations, my self-conscious about the way others look at me. The people who raised me must also not have known that I could be a far less stable human being than I already am. So, I blame my parents, as is typical for someone my age going through a crisis. Let's blame them for this ridiculous amount of pride I have in myself, not for being a particular race, but for pursuing the dreams I pursue, despite my race. I blame them for my surprise whenever someone asks what I am as well as for the response I give on occassion when I want to throw people off: "human. A woman? A writer? I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure what you're looking for here." Of course, I know exactly what they're looking for, who I am. And apparenting I am racially ambiguous enough to not even be quite sure myself.